LANGUAGE VIGILANTE

LANGUAGE VIGILANTE
by Craig Froehle

You might call me a "Grammar Nazi,"
But I want to set the record straight;
I am a language vigilante
And I didn't come here to debate.

I'm a walking encyclopedia
Of punctuation and language rules.
If you ever doubt my credentials,
Here's a long list of my former schools.

I have accounts on all the websites.
I intend to point out each misdeed.
Your sentences are abominations
And your spelling makes my eyes bleed.

If you don't want me to hassle you,
Then adopt a better attitude.
Start to love subject-verb agreement
and confusing who with whom is rude.

The art of using semicolons
Is a subtle one, I will admit.
But substituting "your" for "you're"
Is an egregious crime to commit.

And when you confuse which and that
Or mix up adjectives and adverbs.
Please know I speak the truth when I say
I'm not the only one it disturbs.

Oxford commas are not optional.
Don't let anyone tell you they are.
Hyphens and dashes are different;
That you don't know that is just bizarre.

Knowing where commas go near quotations,
Is a sign of a civilized mind.
If I don't yell about your four-dot
Ellipsis, know I am being kind.

When you see a comment with nothing
But asterisked words and silent rage,
You'll know that I have visited
Your blog, Twitter, or Facebook page.

But realize that my cause is just
And my goal is nothing too extreme.
I simply want an error-free Web.
Is that too optimistic a dream?

I want LEGO to come out with a line of kits corresponding to different buildings and attractions within...

I want LEGO to come out with a line of kits corresponding to different buildings and attractions within Disneyworld's Magic Kingdom.

Ones I think would make great LEGO kits include:
- Cinderella's Castle
- Space Mountain
- Main Street USA
- Prince Charming's Carousel
- Jungle Cruise
- Haunted Mansion
- Pirates of the Caribbean
- Swiss Family Treehouse
- And, of course, the monorail!

To be honest, now that I think about it, I'm almost shocked these don't already exist.

Thank you, Lego, for letting me simply tell you online which parts were missing from the boy's Christmas present and...

Thank you, Lego, for letting me simply tell you online which parts were missing from the boy's Christmas present and sending them to me, no hassle.

<3 this!

<3 this!

Originally shared by Alireza Yavari

by Jason Freeny

Nice!

Nice!

Originally shared by Laurence Hubbard

Lego Art Gallery

LEGO sword: +1 damage to kobold minifigures.

LEGO sword: +1 damage to kobold minifigures.