This might seem to be just about parenting, but it's also about how we approach any kind of negative outcome for people we are educating, mentoring, advising, or even managing.
https://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/commentary/2017/08/30/lawnmower-parents-raising-generation-entitled-kids-handle-adversity
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LEGO Americana Roadshow: Building Across America I just checked out this traveling exhibition from LEGO and was quite impressed. The scale ... -
Merry Christmas, everyone!
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When we let politics trump science, people are needlessly put in harm's way. http://arstechnica.com/science/2017/01/self-censoring-fears...
I knew of someone who lawnmowered at least into her daughter's junior year of college...
ReplyDeleteI dunno, I don't think it's enough to say "the other girls were better than you" without some encouragement to work at a skill, preferrably with some parental support, particularly in this case from the dad who is the author. Unqualified support from a parent helps build self-esteem and a drive to succeed.
Wow. In the scenario presented, I would not have used any of those scenarios. My response would have been initially basic comfort (a hug, chocolate ice cream, whatever). Then, when my child was ready to talk about the events, I wouldn't pontificate with any of the proffered responses. I would start by asking my kid about his (both my kids use that pronoun) reaction to what happened and his feelings about it. I would ask what his plans were, whether this was something that he valued, what he got out of the experience, what he thought he could get out of similar experiences in the future, whether he felt the effort was worth that return, whether there was anything he though he wanted to and was able to change, etc.
ReplyDeleteAnd let's not even talk about what it is like for someone with a chronic pain condition that he will struggle with for his entire life, and the inherent challenges that brings just to simple things like eating enough, sleeping, and getting through the day. Those are challenges that no amount of "lawnmowing" will ever clear out of his way.
We raised kids who not only value their own abilities, but also understand the wisdom in asking (or offering) help from (or to) family, friends, and partners. No one is an island. I am proud that my adult sons do not hesitate to pick up the phone and ask for advice on things that they think I might have some knowledge of or experience with, and I have always been glad to help out anyway I can. That's not "helicoptering" or "lawnmowing." That's being a friend and a father.
What a sick view of the world this article reveals in its assumption that everyone is supposed to be alone and self-sufficient and selfish.
I have long intended to make sure my future kids are adequately challenged. I subscribe to much of the spirit behind the story of A Boy Named Sue, though I will plan to be present myself to oversee things.
ReplyDeleteSounds like yet another reason for parents to obsess about themselves and whether they are fulfilled. Personally, I just try to ensure our 4 kids reach the end of each day with roughly the same number of fingers and toes. Good enough parenting. I recommend it.
ReplyDeleteOn the way they may need to cycle with me to the library or the park along roads with a few busy crossings (at 5 years old, 3 days after getting their first bike). I'm not going to strap them down. That means I get yelled at by concerned old ladies from out of town who think kids should be in a cocoon. I'm fine with that.
Later that means they're able to cycle to their own school sensibly and I won't be doing a school run or being part of a traffic jam. And their overcommitted social and sports lives will be their own problem, largely. Aside from a few road trips to tournaments, every second weekend or so.
This is reality over here. There are teachers who have gotten ”attacked” by parents who are not satisfied with their child's grade. And obviously people complain about anything and everything on social media. It is really aggravating actually.
ReplyDeleteEdit: And don't get me started on soccer/sport dads.
Brian Holt Hawthorne I think someone who has a chronic health imposition or disability is outside the scope of the article above. Special needs are, by definition, special. That said, there is certainly a time and place for both unconditional support and tough love...we don't need to forget about one in order to do the other.
ReplyDeleteJason Dabrowski Why the hell would you think I might mean that? That's absurd and ridiculous.
ReplyDelete"Tough love" is, to me, taking a position that is more direct and less coddling. A kid gets a bad grade on a test and you respond with "Well, you screwed up. What are you going to do differently?" instead of "I bet that test was unfairly hard anyway...it's OK."
Using ONLY "tough love" isn't appropriate -- it needs to be accompanied by compassion and pure empathy in one's quiver of parenting/mentoring tools -- but sometimes it's helpful to direct someone toward the reality that they are to blame for the situation due to some decision they made or some inadequacy they have (one that can be remedied, that is...there's no point in rubbing someone's face in a fault they can't fix). Helping kids understand the ramifications of their choices or a limitation inherent in their situation can be, when appropriate, helpful in getting them to act with purpose and focus instead of merely blaming others and/or ignoring relevant facts.
Jason Dabrowski That phrase might mean something specific to you that is appalling and reprehensible, but it clearly means something quite different to me.
ReplyDeleteJason Dabrowski Authoritative source?
ReplyDeleteJason Dabrowski Nope, I didn't take it as an attack. Let's recap what happened:
ReplyDelete1) You offered up a definition of a term that seemed (to me) to be rather extreme and not at all what I understand it to be.
2) I explained what I meant by my use of the term.
3) You then claimed your definition was THE definition for the term. Not one of several different and equally valid definitions, which is likely the case, but THE ONLY valid definition.
4) I was intrigued by, and admittedly skeptical about, that claim and asked you for a source to back it up. (That's how rational adults deal with things, btw.)
5) Sadly, you declined. Therefore, the status of your claim reverts back to merely being your opinion rather than some objective fact.
Next time you want to be authoritative, come with citations. Thanks.
I bought a reel mower so my son could use it. When he was young, he loved pushing it around the lawn. Ah, good days.
ReplyDeleteI used to tell him, "What you need is my concern. What you want is yours." When he asked for something he wanted, I told him, "OK, you've told me why you want it. Now you have to convince me that I want you to have it."
Like his dad, he has a strong spatial sense and poor perception of text. That's a deadly mixture in primary school. I told him, "Kid, fake it. That's all that you need to do."
Chores? Heck, yeah, along with book reports in the summer.
As for teachers, I was the worst kind of parent. "I'm sick of these damned projects. Assign papers!" After a session with the assistant superintendent, this became, "You'll write the assignment; I'll approve it. I'll also review your grading to make sure you demand good work.
Funny thing, the head of language instruction decided to teach my son the following year. When she admitted she did not know how much writing to demand, I said, "You can stop when their fingers bleed. If his right hand cramps, carry on. He can block print with his left. Our students need to learn how to write."
might someone ask Jason Dabrowski why he has me blocked?
ReplyDelete